Love in The Office
by Jabey
Summary: Winner of the Judge's Award in the Dead Pan Contest : Eric and Sookie are co-workers who help each other survive the daily grind. What they don't realize, is that they both want to grind on each other! Parody of the tv show The Office. AH/AU/OOC


**A/N - These characters belong to Charlaine Harris and NBC. I just had a blast participating in the Dead Pan Contest. **

**Love in The Office**

"Is it on?" Sookie heard Eric whisper, as he stopped at her desk to scoop up a handful of jelly beans.

"All systems go," she whispered back, trying hard not to notice Eric's biceps bulging in his button down shirt. He told her he had been working out lately, and she just couldn't seem to get the image of tall, blonde and sinfully handsome Eric pumping iron, sweaty and laid out on a bench out of her mind. She was an engaged woman, for goodness sake. She didn't want to think about what Quinn would do if he caught her staring at Eric. Her fiancé was not very understanding about those things.

"When is liftoff?" Eric leaned against the tall counter around her desk. She could smell his cologne when he did that. It was faint, but smelled so yummy. Luckily, he did it about ten times a day.

Sookie smiled at him. "Bill should receive an email from corporate in five...four…three...two…"

They both looked at Bill's desk as they heard his computer ding, announcing a new message.

With a shared smirk, Eric casually returned to his desk.

Sookie cast surreptitious glances at Bill, trying to watch his face as he read a phony email from Dunder Mifflin's corporate offices asking him to spy on their branch manager, Sophie-Ann LeClerq.

Sophie-Ann was completely inappropriate, but had a way of endearing her employees to her through her bumbling ways. Sookie had no idea how, but she had fallen into that trap herself a time or two. Luckily, Sophie was harmless. Only Bill, the office sycophant, thought he could further his career by sucking up to her.

Sookie and Eric spent their days thinking of ways to prank Bill. Yes, it was juvenile. But, it was so much fun collaborating with Eric (he was hilarious!) and it helped pass the day. There was only so much enjoyment she could get in a normal day; she had to spice it up somehow.

Sookie almost lost it when she saw Bill suddenly jump up, cast a suspicious glance at Sophie, and then head for the restrooms.

Eric looked at her, confused. He picked up his phone and dialed.

Her phone rang. "Dunder Mifflin, this is Sookie," she answered.

"Stackhouse," Eric always used her last name when on a "mission". "What exactly did that email tell him to do?"

"Northman," she whispered, "I believe the missive instructed him to go into the women's restroom and retrieve hidden paperwork that Sophie had stored in the cabinet under the sink."

"Paperwork?"

"Yes, an accumulation of printed emails documenting Sophie's nefarious plot to acquire a cappuccino machine for the office. To pay for the machine, she elected to eliminate an employee; namely, Bill."

She felt a thrill at his chuckle. "Then what?"

"He is to sign a document included in the email directing a local bakery to deliver doughnuts and coffee every workday for the next year, to be paid by one Bill Compton, and fax it to the specified number. Since Sophie is secretly monitoring all fax transmittals, she will see the contract. If Bill pays for coffee and doughnuts, with no expense to the company, then she would be unable to justify eliminating his position for the cappuccino machine."

"Clever," his low voice rang with approval. "What about the contract? Won't he think it's real?"

Sookie had planned this meticulously. "Oh no, there is a secret corporate officer waiting at that number to intercept the transmission."

"_Is_ there a secret corporate officer waiting at that number to intercept the transmission?"

"Nope."

"Stackhouse, please tell me the contact contains Bill's credit card information," Eric practically begged.

"Yep."

There was stunned silence. "Stackhouse, you are a genius."

Sookie beamed. "You can thank me when the coffee and doughnuts start arriving."

They both hung up the phone, just in time to hear a squawk from the women's restroom, and see Portia ushering Bill out.

"Bill! This is NOT the men's room!"

"Portia," Bill hissed, looking around to see who was listening. "It is vitally important that I go in that room."

"It is vitally important that you keep your annoying face out of the women's restroom!"

Bill did his best to look inconspicuous as he crept along the wall and around the corner to wait Portia out.

Sookie and Eric did their usual across-the-room high five.

/&/

Eric rose from his desk and headed into the employee break room. Jason and Crystal were already there. Crystal was going on and on about some party she was going to drag him to, and Jason was zoned out, as usual. Eric wasn't fooled. Jason acted like he couldn't get away from Crystal fast enough, but he wouldn't stop tapping that.

Pulling his sandwich from the fridge, Eric selected another table and left Jason to his misery. He kept glancing toward the break room door, expecting Sookie to walk in for their usual lunch date. But today she wasn't coming. She was lunching with her fiancé, Quinn the idiot.

Eric really couldn't see what she saw in the man. Okay, so maybe he wasn't bad looking. But he couldn't stand how the guy called Sookie "babe" and treated her like she meant nothing. Quinn was always blowing her off, telling her that his mother or his sister needed something, when Eric had seen him down at Poor Richard's pub downing beers with Alcide and Clancy from the warehouse. Really, they worked for the same company – did he actually think Sookie wouldn't find out? But, so far she hadn't, because she was still with the tool.

Eric was scowling when Lafayette and Andy wandered in. They were arguing about something, probably some sort of accounting issue, until Andy saw Eric, and lumbered over to him.

"Eric, you gotta answer this one for us," he insisted.

"Okay," Eric sighed, putting down his sandwich. You just never knew what to expect from these two.

"Sookie and Quinn are getting married, right?"

Eric felt his teeth grind, as they always did at the mention of Sookie and the tool. "Yes."

"So, Sookie told Pam she picked out a white dress, and Pam told her it wasn't proper and got all mad at her."

Pam Ravenscroft was their resident prude. Unlike Arlene, who would open her legs to the local hockey team. Wait…_Sookie picked out a dress?_

"And I said that Sookie should wear what she wants, since it's her wedding. And she's waited so long for Quinn to propose and everything…"

Eric sighed. Sometimes Andy could go on forever.

"…and Pam said the dress color had nothing to do with choice, but with purity, and that since Sookie wasn't a virgin, she couldn't wear the dress."

The idea of Sookie not being a virgin, and what that entailed, made Eric's head spin for a moment. How many times had he imagined Sookie, with him, participating in a very non-virginal activity?

Lafayette jumped in at this point. "And I told Pam to mind her own business; it was none of her concern. She's probably the only person in Scranton that _could_ wear a white dress under those terms."

Actually, Eric knew that was probably untrue. He thought he was the only one in the office who knew that Pam and Bill were having a torrid, and slightly disgusting, love affair. He hadn't even told Sookie…yet.

"And I said," Andy interjected, "that purity doesn't matter, it was the season that determined what color the dress was. Because everyone knows you can't wear white after labor day."

"Fool!" Lafayette exclaimed. "That has nothing to do with a wedding dress!"

Andy turned to Lafayette. "You think just because you're gay that you know everything about fashion."

Lafayette looked Andy up and down, pointing out the big blob of…something….on Andy's shirt. "Honey, I don't have to be gay. I just have to not be a slob!"

The bickering continued as Eric wrapped up his half-eaten sandwich, threw it in the trash, and walked back to his desk. He'd lost his appetite.

Eric could admit to himself that he was in love with Sookie, and all the talk about her wedding was just killing him. But he didn't know what to do about it. Sookie seemed so happy planning her wedding – happier than she had been in a long time. And, although Eric knew she considered him her best friend, he just couldn't see her breaking a relationship she had been in since high school to be with him. He might as well give up.

Just then, Sookie walked in the door, wagging her eyebrows at him. At his questioning look, she motioned to the fax machine, and Eric saw Bill standing there, sending his "fake" contract. Eric couldn't help the smile that escaped. He didn't know what he would do in this office without Sookie.

/&/

"Northman," Sookie called, seemly breaking Eric out of his three o'clock coma. "Are you going to Poor Richard's tonight?"

Eric nodded and smiled before his attention was diverted by Bill pushing files off his desk.

Sookie didn't know why she was so concerned about whether Eric was going. She just knew that Quinn had to "visit" his mother and sister again, so he wouldn't be going with the group after work. And Sookie wanted to spend more time with Eric. She just didn't want to think too much about why that was.

All Sookie had ever known about relationships involved John Quinn. They had been together since high school, and Sookie had been thrilled when he had proposed. But, then Quinn kept putting off a date, complaining that she was rushing him and there was no reason to hurry. They had been engaged for four years, and Sookie was on the verge of breaking up with him, when they had finally set a date. And then Quinn started having all the drama with his family. Sookie was no fool. She knew that he was lying to her about where he was. She knew that their relationship was essentially over, and no wedding was going to salvage that. But…Quinn was all she knew. She had never been with anyone else, and the thought of being out there, of putting herself out there, was kind of scary.

Funny how those fears seemed to go away when she was around Eric.

So she really wanted him to come to Poor Richard's pub tonight. Because when they were with coworkers, and it was essentially a work function (kind of), then she could flirt with Eric, and look at him, and have fun with him. Just like she did every day.

Sookie groaned and put her head down on her desk. She should just face it. She was head over heels for Eric. But what would ever make him look at her that way?

"Head up, Sookie!" she heard Sophie sing out as she walked out of her office. "I don't pay you to sleep; I pay you to be my personal slave." This was accompanied by a maniacal laugh. Totally inappropriate, as usual.

"Announcement everybody," Sophie called out, garnering everyone's attention. "I have decided that everyone who is going to Poor Richard's can leave now, in order to make it to happy hour."

"What about people who aren't going?" asked Stanley Cataliades, the resident office grump.

"Those boring people have to stay and work." Sophie declared.

Sookie was pretty sure this degree went against all kinds of human resources rules, but actions like these were what endeared Sophie to her employees. Who wouldn't tolerate a completely inappropriate and annoying boss when she lets you leave early to go to a bar?

Everyone in the office packed up their desks and retrieved their coats. Sookie made sure to forward the phones, and grabbed her purse.

Sophie was talking to Bill about her "master plan" to seduce a man she was meeting at the pub, and Bill was following her like a puppy, as usual. However, he had a slightly smug grin on his face.

Sookie caught the expression, and looked at Eric. He smiled at her, noticing it too. Obviously, Bill thought he had diverted disaster and saved his own job.

"Just wait until the doughnuts and coffee arrive tomorrow," Eric leaned down to whisper in her ear as they all filed out of the office.

Sookie giggled, and tried to hide the thrill she felt at Eric's warm breath in her ear.

/&/

Eric shifted on the bar stool for what felt like the tenth time as Sookie laid her hand on his arm, laughing at his latest sarcastic remark.

She kept touching him, leaning into him. If he felt her breasts on his arm one more time, he wasn't going to be able to hide the growing hardness in his pants.

Eric couldn't believe she was flirting so much. Sure, they flirted and joked with each other at work, but this felt different. It felt more purposeful. Was she trying to tell him something?

Eric cast a surreptitious glance down at Sookie's hand. Nope, the ring was still there. He looked at her glass…still half full. She'd only had one and a half margaritas, so she wasn't drunk.

"So Eric," she smiled at him. God, he loved that naughty look on her face. "Why aren't you dating anyone?"

"Who me?" Eric delayed, wondering where this was going. If she was going to offer to fix him up with a friend, he was going to go home and hit something.

"Don't give me that false modesty, Northman," Sookie shook her head at him. "You're hot. Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

She thought he was hot? "You think I'm hot?"

"You know you're gorgeous." Sookie raised one eyebrow. "If I were single, I'd be all over you."

"Really?" Eric drew the question out. He was starting to like this discussion. "What makes you think I would go out with _you_…if you were single, that is."

"I am single," Sookie insisted. "Not married yet." She punched his shoulder. "Come on, Northman, you know you want me."

"Yes I do," Eric muttered under his breath as he took a drink of his beer.

"What was that?" Sookie asked playfully. He shook his head, not daring to repeat it.

"Really, Northman," she was insistent. "What's the holdup?"

"I'm waiting for someone," Eric smiled down at her.

"You are?" Her face seemed to fall. "Who is she?"

"Someone I've known for a long time."

He saw Sookie chew her lip. She really was clueless. "Would I like her?" she asked balefully.

"Oh yeah," he nodded, letting his little game continue. "She's a blast. We have a lot of fun together. In fact, she's my best friend."

"Then why aren't you with her?" Sookie had started fiddling with her napkin on the bar.

Nervous knots exploded in the pit of Eric's stomach. Should he put himself on the line? Should he tell her how he felt? What if he ruined everything?

Eric decided to go for broke. "She's engaged," he practically whispered, his eyes never leaving her face.

Sookie's brows furrowed as she considered his words, and then she suddenly looked up at him, understanding sparkling in her eyes.

"She's a fool," she stared into his eyes.

"Naw," Eric shook his head, holding her gaze. "Do you think I would fall in love with a fool?"

Eric had a long, agonizing moment to wonder if he should have sent those words out there, into the open for her to hear. And then they were interrupted.

"Eric!" another co-worker of theirs, Sam Merlotte, stumbled over and threw his arms around the two of them. "Sookie! Whaaz up?"

They looked at each other for another long moment, and then Sookie turned to look at Sam.

Eric was practically enraged. Couldn't Sam see there was something going on between them? Sam's drunken ass had to interrupt the most important moment in Eric's life, and leave Eric hanging for Sookie's reaction. Did she understand what he was telling her? Did she love him back?

Eric turned to Sam, trying to keep his cool. "What's up, Sam?"

"Oh, nothing," Sam slurred. "The Lotte-dog is just trying to pick up some honeys." Then he called across the bar. "Yo, bartender! Beer me!"

Eric turned to catch the annoyed look on the bartender's face, and then turned back to find Sookie gone. Sam continued to talk to him as Eric watched Sookie head toward the restrooms.

"Hey Lotte-dog," he patted Sam on the back. "I gotta go to the restroom. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Dude!" Sam exclaimed. "I'll save your seat!"

Eric hurried down the long dark corridor and around the corner to the restrooms. He wanted to talk to Sookie privately, but even in the hallway, there were too many people coming and going. Eric opened a door next to the women's restrooms to find a small utility closet. There was just enough room for two people. Perfect.

/&/

Sookie was reeling. She felt bad for running to the bathroom, but she had to take a moment to process what had just happened. Had Eric told her he loved her?

Sookie never dreamed he felt that way. She had been so upset to think of him waiting for another woman, and then happier than she had ever been to realize he was talking about her. But what was she going to do? What about her engagement to Quinn?

"Screw Quinn!" Sookie exclaimed out loud, startling the woman next to her at the sink.

"Did you just say 'Screw Quinn'?" the woman asked.

"Yeah. Sorry," Sookie apologized.

The woman rolled her eyes. "Don't apologize, honey. I did screw Quinn, and it so totally wasn't worth it."

"What?"

"John Quinn, right?" the woman asked, and then turned to carefully apply her lipstick. "He comes in here all the time. He thinks he's such a ladies man, but he's horrible in the sack. Then I found out he had a girlfriend, and I told him to get lost, but he still kept calling me. What a slime." She looked at Sookie. "What did he do to you?"

Sookie chuckled. "Nothing that I care about anymore." She looked at herself in the mirror. What the hell was she doing worrying about Quinn? There was a sweet, wonderful, thoughtful man out there who loved her, and who she had loved for so long. She didn't want Eric to have to wait for his best friend any more. She wanted to be with him. Now.

No sooner did Sookie bust out of the ladies room door than she felt herself grabbed by the arm and pulled into…a closet?

"What the hell?" She exclaimed. It was dark as pitch in there and she couldn't see anything. "Let me go!" Sookie struggled against the arms holding her tight.

"Shh," a familiar voice hushed her. "Stackhouse, it's just me."

Sookie froze. "Eric?"

"Yeah."

"Why are we in a closet?"

"Because it's the only place here that's private."

She paused. "Are we hiding from something?"

"Not anymore," she heard determination in his voice, and then his lips were on hers.

It was the most spectacular, amazing kiss she had ever experienced.

His lips brushed hers sweetly, smoothly, seducing her into compliance. When she broke out of her stunned paralysis and began kissing him back, she felt his tongue slide along her lips before delving into her mouth to rub against hers.

If she had any idea that Eric could kiss like this, she would have left Quinn a long time ago.

She felt Eric's strong arms wrap tightly around hers as her hands drifted up his chest and around his neck. And then she did something she had longed to do; she ran her fingers through his short, blonde hair.

Eric groaned, and the sound nearly set her on fire. His hands reached down to cup her butt and pull her against him. She felt the hardness of his erection pushing against her, and almost lost her composure.

Eric had an erection. For her! The events just seemed too surreal to believe. This was the Eric she had daydreamed about, and now her daydreams were coming to life.

His lips left hers to trail kisses down her neck, sending sparks shooting down between Sookie's legs. And then his hand swept up her side to rest underneath her breast.

She had never wanted anything more than Eric to touch her at that moment.

She arched her back, willing his hand to move.

"Sookie," he whispered in between kisses.

Sookie moaned and rubbed up against Eric's long, hard body. She never dreamed he was so firmly built.

"Sookie," Eric whispered again. "We have to stop."

_Stop?_ There was no way that was going to happen. She arched her back again, hoping his hand would wander.

"We have to talk about this," Eric insisted.

"Oh for God's sake, Northman!" Sookie couldn't take the anticipation anymore. "I love you. You love me. We're going to live happily ever after. Now will you please feel me up already?"

There was a stunned moment of silence. "I think that about covers it," she heard his deep voice chuckle. And then Sookie felt Eric's large hand cover her breast.

"About freaking time," Sookie muttered, and then pulled his head down to hers.

She soon surrendered herself to his kiss, whimpering when his thumb brushed her nipple. She was just contemplating how to climb up his body for maximum friction when their closet was flooded with light.

"What are you guys doing in there?" The bartender had opened the door.

Sookie groaned.

Eric blinked in the sudden light. "Nothing now," he said dryly, and grabbed her hand to lead her out of the closet.

She felt a little shy as she looked up at him. They had been in the dark in the closet, but now they were out in the open. Exposed. About to walk into a bar full of their co-workers, who would immediately know what had happened between them.

As if sensing her apprehension, Eric stopped before they rounded the corner to go back out to the bar. He looked down at her, emotion shining in his eyes. "I love you, Sookie."

Sookie reached up, placed her hands on his cheeks, and gave him a soft, lingering kiss. "I love you too, Eric."

Suddenly, they were grinning at each other. And nothing else mattered.


End file.
